So sweet!!

He’s always humming the melodies of either TV-commercials or Series. And when he does, he’s mixing it with laughter, acting as if he doesn’t know what he’s doing but then waits to hear my reaction..

Every. Single. Time!

"Making love was never about you and me in a bed. We made love whenever we held hands."
— Ian Thomas, I Wrote This For You (via ohdangitsnina)
! Argh !

Seriously!! 

How am I supposed to keep on losing weight and doing what’s necessary for my Body not to drift into the total disgustingness, if he’s always kind of going against it? 

When we’re out to do sport, he acts like he can’t do much or he’s just trying to tell me the reasons why he can’t do this and that- even though he knows the exercises for his back are good…

…. and when I want to do sport on a regular basis instead of saying yes and seeing how we’ll fit it in, he’s giving me answers like “we’ll see…” !! As if we couldn’t do it in the evening, because he has to be somewhere in the morning. No! He’s gone for the morning and of course, we can’t do it at all that day then. Sure.

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Like… he doesn’t really care at all. It’s as always, he says a lot but nothing changes. Same for things I want to try. Instead of letting me try new things, he’ll give me his weird-tone answers, making me feel immediately guilty about it so that I don’t even feel like trying the things anymore. And only when he realizes that I’m sad, he’ll say “okay try it”.

Why!!

Plus, I was the one saying Schatz and Ich liebe dich first- again!! It’s like nothing changed at all. He doesn’t even try, now that he has me once more. This is getting me frustrated.

Don’t get me wrong, of course I love him and he does so much for me!! When my glass is empty he’d immediately refill it- or get me something to drink. When I’m cold, he’ll make sure I have a blanket… !! I’m really pampered in the sense of: Taken physically care of? But mentally… well.

He makes me laugh a lot, I love and like that.
But it’s really as it was again. He doesn’t try as it seems. His attitudes are still the same. Since we’re back together I ate more again, more unhealthy, more unregularly and.. god knows, my ass was bleeding again (not because of sex but because of shit, and that’s just not nice!).

Of course, I am not alone anymore and I appreciate it so much, that he’s here with me. But that’s just… - We aren’t just friends, are we? Because it sure feels like it. We’re a couple!! …. Or so I thought.

God damn it I gotta fix that and I can’t do that if he doesn’t do his part… 
Either we’ll do this together, or I do it alone.

! Nutella Cake !

God!!
What a procedure that was but: We made it!! Thanks to a german recipe we finally got a good Nutella-Cake out of it. Turns out the english ones aren’t for good use, seriously. In no way. We’ve been trying two english recipes and none of them worked… !! No, we even had the ofen explode. Ha’Ha.

However, that’s not all we got as delicious treats for ourselves. In fact, there’s another more hefty recipe we’ve been trying this week and what really got a thumbs up from the family. Namingly: Vegetable Quiche! Also a german recipe but very delicious. Might have to give it a few more spices next time because it tasted rather luschig but other than that: Sublime! So that was our first success with recipes we’ve gotten online. (The Dr. Oetger one you can buy at Netto are really easy to do at home!)

Quickly switching topics: Me and Dennis just had a 40 minutes lasting huggy-time and it was fabulous. Sure, I felt a bit bah because we ate too much before but other than that, it was combined with many laughters, bussis and cuddling. Nice, really!! Have to do that more often. 

Also… I got to be member on three fansites ( GPD, GD, SC ) and am really proud of that, although I am thinking of maybe stopping at one of those because I fear I might not make it to post things everywhere every day. Been opening up my own fan-site for Gen so to speak also. Called Gencaps! Figured it’s easiest if I have one, since I am not meant to be active on a daily basis then and can do things as I feel like doing them.

Damn it, my Sackface is still pimply… !! Probably thanks to all those sweets I had these days. ‘Course I still have “not so good thoughts” here and there but I’ve been right. Thinking positive makes one feel better. I gotta stick to that!! Thinking positive. Always!! Even if it’s hard sometimes. It’s worth it!! 

Sooo so so !!! Now it’s time to gif the new Tammy trailer. We’ll be starting with sport this week and I will eat more healthy again. Sun’s meant to come out as well!! Good things !!

One more thing: I had a total sweet dream this week. I dreamt that me and Nici were driving to Waldcafe (in a Smart!) and because the waitress there (who we know) found it so sweet that we’re doing something together, she allowed us to order two meals from the card and get them for free. Nici chose some pancakes whereas I was getting Spaghetti. We’ve been sharing that together and just had a very nice time.

October she’ll come here (for Jahrmarkt!) and if things go good, Nici and Laure will be living in Germany soon (or so I hope!) <3

! Cakesaster !

Dennis and I wanted to make some cake today… and it should’ve been our second try after our first english-recipe for a lime coconut cake ended as a big failure… !! - However, this went even worse.

We thought we’d give it a second try, agreeing that, if it wouldn’t go good this time we would never try an english cake recipe again. And now guess what happened? Yeah, right; Liquid Shit!

I mean.. seriously, like… I expected that to happen but this was just .. bah. As soon as I heard the oven beep and went back into the kitchen I saw that big fat black mess inside there.. !! We actually needed about an hour to clean it away with lots of strength, anti-stink spray and patience!! Okay, okay- gotta admit, it’s more clean now than it was before but still!!

Two cakes turned to mud!! Seriously lost my motivation to do any so soon again (albeit we’re ready to give Nutella-Cake another try tomorrow. This time, with a German recipe!).

I can only hope that the vegetable quiche we’re making for dinner now will turn out well or else I might feel like giving up on cooking entirely. Heck!!

! Look at him, looming around !

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Been having hella lot fun playing Battleblock Theater with the Lois these days. Absolutely worth its money, because you’re having so much fun playing it with your beloved ones, laughing your ass off and jumping around like a lunatic. I’d say it’s more worth it than Tomb Raider and games of the sort even.

Still kind of having a hard time dealing with myself, I must say. Of course I know it’s all a question of ones mind, probably, and that the body is only responding to what you’re thinking but it’s way easier said than done, to get those negative thoughts away and form them into positive ones.

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Way easier said then done. Especially when I’m alone I feel like I concentrate on my own breathing all the time, listening to my heartbeat and it’s kind of driving me crazy. Literally. I feel as if it’s sometimes skipping a beat and I can’t even control it. Makes me absolutely uncomfortable, nausea and.. lets me feel as if I’m about to throw up. It’s horrible, seriously. Especially with the Emotophobia I’m having. But let’s not dig into that just now because it only makes me recall these moments.

I have to stay positive.
Think positive. No matter what!! Whenever I think and wonder how it’d be- anything bad really- I should tell myself that you feel just so much better when you think positive. All the time. Anytime. Think positive. It keeps you healthy, it makes you healthy and it makes you be alright with life as it is.

On the healthy note: I’m totally obsessed with Blueberries these days. They’re very healthy, very delicious and … heck they even make me forget about chocolate and all those treats out there. They’re very good for your skin and help preventing cancer. 

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Have a heart for Blueberries!! Ha’Ha.
Hach yeah, I’m a certain-fruits-addicted-Sackface.

Jobless right now and really not feeling like doing just “some work”. Know that feeling when you want money because you need it for living, but you don’t want to remain part of a office-worker-System? Or any routine-job really?! That’s how it is.

So I’ve made up my mind. Me and the Ois will get famous by doing what we love to do! Yap. Probably will have to call in Mindelheim soon though, because one can’t just go on without money, one way or another.

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Also: I’ll switch languages on this blog here and there, depending on what language I feel like using. It’s just so that writing in English is kind of a good practise not to lose your skills, whereas German (motherlanguage)’s probably funnier in the way you’re reading it.

And.. yeah. I did give me and Dennis another chance. Even though in October 2013 we’ve broke up and now it’s July 2014, I figured eventually once the newness fades, what do you have left? Dennis has always been here for me, has always supported me and my decisions and I love him. Always did. Always will. In case it won’t work out between the two of us, shouldn’t things change really, we’ll stay best friends forever nonetheless. We promised each other that. But I’m in good things when it comes to that right now. So Kudos to our situation!! He’He.

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